


Empty Except for the Memory

by pinkevilbob



Series: Time in a Bottle [3]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, F/M, Original Character(s), Vergesson Sanatorium warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:15:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24629152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkevilbob/pseuds/pinkevilbob
Summary: The Vergesson Sanatorium had always been an ever present thorn in Caleb's side. One that he hoped if he ignored just the right amount would go away, but things rarely go the way Caleb would like.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Series: Time in a Bottle [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1563736
Comments: 4
Kudos: 56





	Empty Except for the Memory

**Author's Note:**

> Oh dang, I've returned to the Time in a Bottle AU. I wanted to do something involving the Sanatorium since the Mighty Nein visited it, but this was one of those fics where I knew I needed to wait before writing. Then randomly on Saturday, I decided it was time to write this.
> 
> Oh and this probably will only make sense if you've read the first two parts(well, the first one, you could possibly skip the second).
> 
> I hope you guys like it.

Caleb remembered every trip to the Vergesson Sanatorium. The first time when he was still a student under Trent Ikithon for his experiments with residuum. Second time was his 11 year stay though to be fair he only remembered the end of it. His third visit was with the Mighty Nein. It was difficult with all the overwhelming memories, but being with his friends made it doable. However, the fourth visit was an entirely different story.

It was technically years before Caleb was locked up in the asylum. Time travel tended to complicate how one thought of what was past and future. As an archmage of the Cerberus Assembly, there were certain expectations and 'benefits' for him. Namely, a private lab in the Vergesson Sanatorium. When it was presented to Caleb, there was a wink and a nudge of he could do whatever he wanted there. A reminder of just how deep the cancer went in the assembly and how much work Caleb still had in front of him.

By the time he'd left the sanatorium, Caleb felt numb and sick. The whole time he was there he had to remind himself that he was going to leave, that he wasn't going to be locked up again. He was shaking when he got back to the small house he shared with Jester(he'd refused to move into the former lodgings of Ikithon).

This was before he'd confessed his feelings for Jester, told her how incomparable she was and how she made him feel capable of loving and even living again. So she just took his hands and sat with him. Nothing more and nothing less. Jester was only there for him and he could not imagine a grander gesture. Three days later he told her of how he felt and proposed to her.

* * *

"Are you going to be okay?" Jester asked as Caleb got dressed for the day.

"Ja, I am fine, liebling."

Jester frowned at him and grabbed his hands. "You're shaking. Do you have to go?"

Caleb rubbed his thumbs on the back of her hands. "Ja, I do. It's been over three years since I've checked on the sanatorium. I need to make sure it's still safe." He'd managed to oust most of the original assembly already, but he was aware of how easy it was for wizards to be tempted and experiment where they shouldn't.

"It doesn't stop it from hurting you," Jester said

"I will be fine," Caleb said. "Eodwulf will be there."

Jester cocked her head. "Does that make things better or worse?"

"Things are different in this world. He's never been an assassin here," Caleb pointed out.

"Well, yeah, but have you ever forgotten that in another world he was?" Jester asked.

Caleb turned away. "It wasn't his fault."

Jester set a hand on Caleb's arm. "I know that. I don't blame any of you for what happened in our old time. But, does knowing that make it easier for you to go there?"

"I can handle it. I have before." Caleb kissed his wife on the forehead.

She kissed him back. "Yeah, thanks to me." Jester squeezed his arm slightly. "I'll make your favorite for dinner."

"Danke," Caleb said. "I won't be long."

"Promise?"

He kissed her again longer this time. "Ja, I promise."

* * *

The Vergesson Sanatorium from the outside had not changed a bit. The inside on the other hand was a different story. Caleb had spent the last 20 years campaigning for the absolution of experiments being done there, all from a distance of course. Even the thought of entering the sanatorium made Caleb's skin crawl.

"Professor!" a boisterous voice shouted out.

Caleb jumped straight up.

"Oh, sorry," Eodwulf jogged up to Caleb. "How was your trip?"

"It was just a simple teleport circle. Fine just fine," Caleb said.

His former friend and pupil frowned at him. "It's just that you look a little pale."

Caleb snorted. "I always look pale."

"I meant paler than normal. Do you need to sit down?" Eodwulf asked.

"I am fine," Caleb said curtly. He just wanted to get this tour over and done with. "Tell me, how are you doing here?"

Eodwulf grinned and drew up to his full much too tall height(it always felt a bit unfair to Caleb that he managed to be nearly a full foot taller than him). "I'm settling in well. I've already started working with the clerics and discussing ways to better treat the patients here."

Caleb had been apprehensive when Eodwulf discussed wanting to work at the Vergesson Sanatorium. It was too easy to remember Eodwulf standing by Ikithon's side doing all sorts of experiments. Eodwulf's dedication and devotion was both his greatest strength and flaw. Fortunately, Eodwulf seemed to have placed it better this time, but it still put Caleb ill at ease. "That is good."

"I heard that Astrid and you, well Bren, are doing well at the academy," Eodwulf said walking down the corridor.

Hurrying to keep up with Eodwulf's long legs, Caleb nodded. "They are. I'm still surprised that you didn't try to stick with them."

"Not my scene," Eodwulf. "School's all good and well while you're learning, but I couldn't imagine wanting to stick there a second longer than I had to."

Caleb laughed. "My younger self would think you're mad."

Eodwulf shrugged. "You think a lot of things I don't understand."

"Such as what?" Caleb asked. It was funny after all these years how easily conversation came to him and Eodwulf. Despite his misgivings and nerves every time he'd see his once closest companion, they would fall in step with each other easily.

"Well," Eodwulf said. "Why you think that the sanatorium has to be watched so closely, but you can hardly stand to set foot here."

Caleb stopped. "Who told you that?"

"No one." Eodwulf said. "I maybe be big and not quite as clever as you, Astrid, or Bren, but I'm not stupid. I notice things. You hate it here."

"I ... have a history here. None of it pleasant," Caleb said.

Eodwulf frowned. "That separate past of yours. I don't see why you'd want to relive them."

A chuckle escaped Caleb. "I'd hardly call this reliving those years. If I was-" he stopped mid sentence. It wouldn't do to acknowledge the years he'd once spent there in the sanatorium. "I came here for a purpose and I'm doing it."

"It sounds like you're no longer needed here to me. You've already undone the horrid past, and at this point it would just follow a straight course," Eodwulf said.

Caleb frowned at this. "I've thought about it, but if anything were to go wrong, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself."

"Sounds like control issues to me," Eodwulf said. "Astrid would be willing to take over all of this for you."

"Oh, I'm aware. Which is why I don't trust her with my tea," Caleb said. Eodwulf raised an eyebrow. "Nevermind, it's nothing for you to worry about. Is there anything I should be aware of?"

Eodwulf gave Caleb the news of the sanatorium most of which Caleb had already known. It was peaceful in the asylum these days. Any experiments conducted there were carefully watched and were for the betterment of the patients' health. Nothing like what it was when Caleb was a patient. As the afternoon went on, Eodwulf showed Caleb about telling him about the changes that were in store, all the while Caleb was just waiting for it to be over.

Soon, but not soon enough for Caleb's taste, it was time for him to take his leave. "Danke Eodwulf," he said. "It's good to know that the sanatorium is in good hands."

"I'm only a resident. I'm hardly in charge of even myself," Eodwulf said.

"You're the only one I trust," Caleb said. "So give yourself some credit.”

Eodwulf grinned hard. “I’ll try.”

“Professor!” a new voice shouted. A teen, younger even than Caleb was when he entered the asylum, dressed in the loose fitting clothes of a patient ran up. His face was thin and drawn and he wore a determined look. He was young, impossibly young. “Professor Widogast! I need your help!”

Caleb stepped around Eodwulf who’d stood between him and the boy. “Ja? How can I help you?” Caleb asked.

The boy was a student of Soltryce Academy, but Caleb mainly focused on the scholarship students and this boy came from a good highborn family. Usually those students were giving everything they needed and more without Caleb’s attention. “I have a letter here. For my parents. The mail never gets where it needs to here. Can you make sure it gets where it needs to?” He held out a stiff folded letter on thick parchment.

“Ja, I will try,” Caleb said, taking the letter.

Eodwulf cleared his throat. “If you’ll excuse us.”

“Right,” the boy said. “Don’t forget. That must get to my parents.” He then ran off.

“Poor kid,” Eodwulf said, shaking his head. “Still in denial.”

Caleb looked over the letter. It had no wax seal, but he wasn’t going to read it yet. “Did I just promise to give a letter to the dead?”

“It’s not that morbid. It’s just even if you hand deliver it, they’re not going to read it,” Eodwulf said.

“What do you mean?”

Eodwulf stretched his long arms. “He’s kind of a political patient.-”

“Political!? I thought we did away with that!” Caleb spat. He’d worked so hard to fix the sanatorium.

“You did. Well, most of it. There's no more being tortured or anything here, but there might be a few patients with ‘politically dangerous’ ideas here which is a kind of madness. So we care for them here in the highest of comfort,” Eodwulf said.

Caleb balled up his fists. “And you thought that this was okay? That I’d approve of this?”

Eodwulf glowered down at him. “You told me to keep this as short as possible. To only discuss certain subjects. Not go too deep. I, I only started here. It’s not like I have any power here.” And he was right. He was still young in his career and not yet 25. No one would listen to him. Not like Caleb.

“You are right. I am sorry.” This was Caleb’s responsibility after all. It had become his when he decided to come back to the past. “But he’s just a boy. What kind of politically dangerous ideas could he have?”

With a roll of his shoulders, Eodwulf sighed. “Maybe the word for him is less political and more social. He … couldn’t make it in Soltryce.”

And then Caleb remembered. A student that had a mental breakdown in the middle of an exam a few months back. It wasn’t one of the subjects Caleb was over or one of his students, so he paid the incident little mind. Leofric Pzalgraf. His first name always made Caleb uncomfortable which was all the more encouragement he needed to ignore him. “And his breakdown was enough to send him here?”

“The embarrassment to his family was,” Eodwulf said. “Apparently noble families don’t have need of third born sons who can’t ‘rise up to a challenge’. It’s easier to hide them away and forget them. The family pays for his care and our silence.”

“And that doesn’t make you sick?” Caleb demanded.

Eodwulf looked away. “I’m not involved with admission or release.”

Caleb opened the letter reading it quickly. It begged for the Pzalgrafs to visit. Leofric promised that he was better, and if they came, they would see it. The letter shook in Caleb’s hands. “Is the boy’s condition such that he could go home if his parents requested it?”

“I suppose so. Like I said, I’m not really involved in that sort of thing,” Eodwulf said.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Caleb said and left with a nod.

* * *

Jester paced the floor waiting for her husband. Usually Caleb would be back by then on a normal night and even sooner if he had to go to the Vergesson Sanatorium. But Jester had already put Molly to bed and there was still no sign of Caleb.

“You could always fire him you know,” the Traveler said. He sat on the counter eating a bear claw.

“I’m not going to fire my husband.” Jester checked the time again.

The Traveler shrugged. “That’s your choice I suppose. I could always help you find an upgrade.”

Jester giggled. “I’m not looking for an upgrade either.”

“Your loss then.” The Traveler disappeared.

Caleb rushed in the door looking pale and shaking. But he looked more determined than he usually did when returning from the sanatorium.

“You’re home,” Jester said. “I’ve been worried about you.”

He kissed her on the cheek. “I’m sorry. There was something I needed to take care of. Still need to take care of.”

“Did something happen?” Jester asked, slipping her hand in his.

“Ja.” Caleb paused for a long moment. “There was a new patient there. I knew him.”

Jester's heart nearly stopped for a moment. "From when you were there?"

"Nein. He was a student at the academy." Caleb looked at her. "Jester? Was I wrong for ignoring the asylum?"

She snorted. "I was spending the morning telling you to stay here."

Caleb frowned making Jester want to kiss away his worries, but she had the feeling that now wasn't the time. "Well, of course. You're my wife. You're going to side with me. But if you weren't, if we never married or fell in love, would you think that I was a coward for not doing more?"

"I thought that you were doing everything that you could," Jester said honestly.

"Only from a distance. It's easy to miss things. I've missed too many things." Caleb kissed her again. "I need to do more."

Jester said. "Does it have to be you?"

"If not me, who?"

"You've trained plenty of students. Can't one of them do it?" Jester asked.

Caleb shook his head. "Nein. I was the one who started all this by going back here and I need to be the one who finishes it."

"With my help," Jester said.

"You're going to help?"

Jester smirked at him. "Of course I am. Now what happened with this student?"

As Caleb told his story of meeting the student, Jester's frown grew more and more. "And are you going to deliver the letter?"

"I've already tried," Caleb said. "That's why I was late. I went to his parents' home and tried to convince them to go see him."

"And it didn't work?"

"I nearly got into a fist fight with his father," Caleb said, not having the nerve to look his wife in the eye.

Jester snickered at this. "I probably would've done the same. So are you going back to Vergesson soon?"

"I can't leave him there. Not when I know," Caleb said.

"Alright. I'll get the guest room ready then." It wasn't unusual for students to spend a weekend or more with them. Though a permanent one was new even for them.

Caleb stared at her. "You're okay with this?"

She put her hands on her hips. "More okay than with him staying there because his parents are stupid."

"What did I do to deserve such a wonderful wife?" Caleb asked, leaning his head against hers.

"A lot of things," Jester said.

* * *

Leofric spent most of his free time watching the gates. His parents were certain to come for him any day now, he just knew it. The only reason they hadn’t came yet was that his letters hadn’t gotten to them yet. He was certain of it.

But the last letter he had handed directly to Professor Widogast, so it must’ve reached them. Leofric did not know the professor well, but all the students knew that he was decent and never called them out if he caught them in some sort of mischief. So Leofric took his chances with him. The patients weren't supposed to bother any of the visiting assembly members, but the professor was a teacher so that made him different in Leofric's eyes.

So everyday was spent watching the gates. His parents weren't wizards or had any type of magic. That was to be Leofric's place. His oldest brother would inherit from their father and the second had joined the clergy, so Leofric had been sent to Soltryce Academy to learn magic and bring pride to the family in that way. But it turned out that Leofric had the magical talent of a shoe and school just gave him a headache. He wasn't going to let something like that stop him. Leofric studied for hours after his classmates had stopped. It wasn't enough though. When his final exams came around he broke a little. Only a little, but it was enough for rumors to spread and for him to be sent away.

But, Leofric was better now. All he had to do was prove it to his parents.

"Pardon me," a voice said beside him. Leofric turned to see Professor Widogast standing there. "Is this seat available?"

Leofric nodded quickly. "Yes it is. Did you deliver the letter?" It was probably rude to ask before allowing the professor to get comfortable, but Leofric had to know.

Professor Widogast sighed. "I attempted to."

"Attempted? Did something happen? Did the letter get wet? I can write another one," Leofric said leaning forward. He had to let his parents know that he was okay and to ask for their forgiveness.

The professor shook his head with a sad expression on his face. "Nein, it's not like that. They," he paused frowning.

"They what? Were they not home? Maybe they were visiting Albrecht? You could try again in a week." Leofric froze, remembering that this was one of the archmages of the Cerberus Assembly. "I mean, thank you for trying. If you ever pass by there, could you try again?"

"It won't change anything," Professor Widogast said. He stared straight ahead avoiding eye contact with Leofric.

"It won't?"

Professor Widogast shook his head. "It won't."

A small part of Leofric deflated. "Oh." It wasn't that his parents couldn't get his letters; it was that they wouldn't take his letters. Of course they wouldn't except the letters of a failure. "Oh, okay. Thank you, professor." Leofric's voice shook and a tightness squeezed in his chest. "That's, that's good to know. I won't, I won't waste anymore of your time." Pressure grew behind his eyes and Leofric gritted his teeth to hold back the tears as he stood up.

"Wait." The professor stood up. He was not too much taller than Leofric was. "I'm sorry for bringing you such news."

“No need, sir. Thank you for your honesty,” Leofric said. “I should be going.”

Professor Widogast held up a hand. “Please wait. You were in hopes of them taking you back, ja? Of going home?”

Leofric could feel his face turning red. Such a stupid hope. He turned his face away.

“I know it is not the same, but there is room in my home for you.”

His jaw dropping, Leofric looked up at the professor. “What?”

“It would be a simple thing for me to gain guardianship of you,” Professor Widogast said. “My wife and I would like it if you’d stay with us.”

“But why?” Everyone knew that Professor Widogast’s favorites were always the scholarship students. He still treated the rest of the student body fairly, but it was rare for him to give anyone else special attention.

Professor Widogast stared out the window. “I hate this place. I’d tear it all apart if I could. But I know that there are some that need its services. You are not one of them though.”

Leofric kept his eyes lowered. “I’m a fool who can’t remember his studies. I’m never going to make it as a wizard.”

“And what does that have to do with anything?” Leofric looked up to see the professor’s eyes piercing through him. “Magic is not the only gift that makes someone worthwhile. Even if it were, I wasn’t offering to take you in because I am wanting to collect another mage. I’ve got more of those than I need. I’m offering because I never want to see anyone waste away here ever again.” Professor Widogast paused and straightened his shoulders. “There are still many injustices that I need to fix and I want this to be the first.”

It wasn’t that Leofric was special, but he didn’t know if he would’ve been comfortable with the professor if he claimed that Leofric was. And there was something in the way that Professor Widogast said it that made Leofric think that the professor must’ve had a history with the sanatorium. “Would you really do that? Let me stay with you?”

“Considering that my wife has already decorated the guest bedroom for you, ja, I would.”

“You’re going to regret it,” Leofric said. Not even his own parents would keep him.

Professor Widogast shrugged. “I’ve lived with my ex and wife under the same roof. I think you will find I have a high tolerance for strange houseguests.”

Leofric sunk his shoulders down. “I don’t know.”

“If you’d prefer to stay here, that’s okay too. This is your choice and I won’t judge you for it,” Professor Widogast said.

“No!” Leofric blurted out. “I, I can’t stay here.” The tears he thought off began to leak down his face. “I can’t!”

The professor pulled out a handkerchief and began dabbing at Leofric’s face. “Then you won’t. You will stay with us or I will find you a better home far from here.”

“Thank you,” Leofric whispered. He leaned his head against the professor’s chest. “Thank you.”

Gently, Professor Widogast wrapped an arm around Leofric’s shoulders. “I will keep you away from this place. I promise.”


End file.
